"Went camping in our new tent and enjoyed a BBQ and some amber nectar (actually it was quite a lot of amber nectar) and went to bed about 11:30pm. Around 01:00am I was semi-awakened by a serious case of flatulence, I put this down to gulping down the food and alcohol too quickly and in my half conscious state went back to sleep.
Around 03:00am I was again semi-awakened by a serious case of flatulence although this time (and you'll all know what I mean when I say) I had the sudden realisation that it was more than flatulence, now I was wide awake and my first thought was "Oh god, the toilet is a 3 minute walk away".
I immediately attempted to get out of my sleeping bag but the damn zipper stuck (why oh why do these things happen at the worst possible time?), I eventually struggled out of my sleeping bag (felt more like a straight jacket!) and by now beads of sweat had appeared on my forehead, not from the sleeping bag struggle but from panic ("I need the toilet!").
I went to unzip the bedroom door but where was the zip? (damn, it's a new tent and I've not slept in it before........."I need the toilet!").
Couldn't see a damn thing in the dark, where’s the torch?, oh no!, I left it in the living area, where's the zip?........."I need the toilet, NOW!".......ah, found the zip and unzipped the door and immediately stuck my head into the no-see-um mesh, damn, I'd unzipped the wrong part........"I need the toilet and I need it NOW!".
I found the correct zip and stumbled into the living area knocking over a table and a kettle full of water, where's my shoes, "oh god, I need the toilet and I need it NOW!", found my shoes, bent down to slip them on.........arggh, yep, you've guessed it, the volcano released a little pressure....urgh!.
Got out of the tent and hastily made my way to the toilets whilst doing my 'Larry Grayson' impression (buttocks clenched) to ensure the volcano didn't fully erupt.
Forty five minutes later I returned to the tent....'commando style' (underwear had gone in the bin) to be greeted by the wife asking where I'd been (she'd been sound asleep and oblivious to my predicament) as she was getting worried.
I duly informed her that I'd s**t my pants.... and although she could see by my face that she shouldn't say another word I could have sworn I saw the makings of a smile starting to appear on her face.
I explained to her that the problem now was that as we still had another days camping to go I only had one clean pair of undies left and I really had to wear something incase of any further mishaps whilst asleep.
Being the loving wife that she is, she produced a pair of her knickers for me to wear whilst asleep (I'm never one to knock anything until I've tried it) and I snuggled back into my sleeping bag wearing the most comfortable underwear I've ever worn.
Anyway, dawn came without further incidence and as I was popping off to the showers I said to the wife that I'd better put her knickers in the dirty wash bag and to my horror she replied........."Yeah ok, that's where I got them from to give to you!", I'd been wearing her dirty knickers all night.......now she had a BIG smile on her face!
So that's my story and if you're out camping and you see a guy running around the campsite in pair of blue knickers then that'll me, Outddoor Rambo"
............(
... Your on form at the moment rambo.... 
That was so funny i was actually sitting here laughing! 
:rofl:
